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Business Humor ~ Stop being late to work

Stop being late to work

Sharon had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. Her boss was mad at her and threatened to fire her if she didn't do something about it. So Sharon went to her doctor who gave her a pill and told her to take it before she went to bed. Sharon slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. She had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss", she said, " The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine,” said the boss, " But where were you yesterday?"

Bill Gates - Five Tips for Greater Success

1) Track "problem Trends" early - at the first sign of sagging numbers, lack of performance, product slumps, etc. immediately seek to find the problem and address the issue early.

2) Read books and magazines that are outside your industry and usual reading patters. This is a great way to keep a broad perspective and come up with new ideas.

3) Take two retreats annually - Get out of the office and away from your day to day routine to develop longer term strategies.

4) At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect on what was effective and what was not.

5) Have fun - For Bill, you can see he has a great sense of humor - check out this hilarious video mocking his time in retirement featuring cameos by Brian Williams, Steve Ballmer, Matthew McConaughey, Jay-Z, Bono, Steven Spielberg, George Clooney, Jon Stewart, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Barack Obama, and Al Gore... From the 2008 Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, during his last keynote address.

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April Fool's Day Office Gags and Jokes

As we approach April Fool's Day, check out some of the practical jokes and office gags at Clean Business Jokes

Business Humor ~ The Suggestion Box

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3x5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out.

Joe wrote, "The office workers should all be given raises!"

When he looked at Frank's card, it said "Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks, and an extra three weeks vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patrick's Day, and Columbus Day and Martin Luther King's Birthday?"

Joe said, "Frank, that isn't the right way of getting things changed around here. . . . You shouldn't put all of your begs in one ask-it."

"More" Famous Marketing Blunders

Here is a follow up to the post, “Famous Marketing Blunders”.

The Swedish furniture giant IKEA somehow agreed upon the name "FARTFULL" for one of its new desks. Enough said..

In the late 1970s, Wang, the American computer company could not understand why its British branches were refusing to use its latest motto "Wang Cares". Of course, to British ears this sounds too close to "Wankers" which would not really give a very positive image to any company.

In 1988, the General Electric Company (GEC) and Plessey combined to create a new telecommunications giant. A brand name was desired that evoked technology and innovation. The winning proposal was GPT for GEC-Plessey Telecommunications. A not very innovative name and not suggestive of technology and a total disaster for European branding. GPT is pronounced in French as “J’ai pété” or “I've farted”.

In 2007 the Cartoon Network fails to notify authorities that it will be placing odd electronic devices on bridges. In Boston, hilarity ensues. Nine other cities in the US scratch their heads. Parent company Turner Broadcasting coughs up $2 million for Boston’s freak out. However, they probably received 10 million in exposure, so maybe it wasn’t a blunder after all!

For more marketing blunders click here.

-Jim

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Business Humor ~ Required Vacation

Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.
"I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months."

"Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked.

She responded, "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without."

Business Humor ~ Timely Speech

The CEO of the company was giving a speech at the annual shareholders' meeting. Enthused about his company's performance and the prospects for the next year, he lost track of time and spoke for two hours.

Finally, he realized that he had been speaking for too long and apologized, saying, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "There's a calendar behind you."

Business Humor ~ The Family Business

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a money making company, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

Business Humor ~ A Story About Everybody!

A Story About Everybody!

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Business Humor ~ How to respond to a rejection letter

Rejection Letter Template

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following:

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my book].

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. - get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].

Sincerely,
[your name]

DID YOU KNOW. . . . .

Only seven of Emily Dickinson's poems were ever published during her lifetime? A rejection early in her career said, "(Your poems) are quite as remarkable for defects as for beauties and are generally devoid of true poetical qualities."

Ernest Hemingway, regarding his novel, "The Torrents of Spring" was rejected with, "It would be extremely rotten taste, to say nothing of being horribly cruel, should we want to publish it."

One movie review called The Wizard of OZ “Unimaginative and boring” and one editor deemed The Diary of Anne Frank “Not interesting enough."