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Business Humor ~ Interview Question

An executive was interviewing a potential employee for a position in his company.
He wanted to find out something about the applicants personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

The interviewee quickly responded, "The living one."

For more business humor, visit Clean Business Jokes

Business Humor ~ Run For Your Life

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched as they checked her meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a footrace down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came tearing up to the truck, they realized the lady of that end house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped immediately and asked her what was wrong.

"When I saw two gasmen running as hard as you were," gasped the woman, "I figured I'd better run too!"

Business Humor ~ Top 9 Things to Say When Caught Sleeping at Your Desk

Top 9 Things to Say When Caught Sleeping at Your Desk

9. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

8. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about
in that time management course you sent me to."

7. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You
probably got here just in time!"

6. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission
statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

5. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

4. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress.”

3. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."

2. "The coffee machine is broken..."

1. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

Business Humor ~ The boss Has a Joke

When the boss returned from lunch in a good mood he called the entire staff in to listen to a  joke he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.

"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"

"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "My last day of work is friday."

More business humor at CleanBusinessJokes.com

Business Humor ~ Payment in Advance

A motorist was driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened and he then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

Business Humor ~ Stop being late to work

Stop being late to work

Sharon had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. Her boss was mad at her and threatened to fire her if she didn't do something about it. So Sharon went to her doctor who gave her a pill and told her to take it before she went to bed. Sharon slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. She had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss", she said, " The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine,” said the boss, " But where were you yesterday?"

Bill Gates - Five Tips for Greater Success

1) Track "problem Trends" early - at the first sign of sagging numbers, lack of performance, product slumps, etc. immediately seek to find the problem and address the issue early.

2) Read books and magazines that are outside your industry and usual reading patters. This is a great way to keep a broad perspective and come up with new ideas.

3) Take two retreats annually - Get out of the office and away from your day to day routine to develop longer term strategies.

4) At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect on what was effective and what was not.

5) Have fun - For Bill, you can see he has a great sense of humor - check out this hilarious video mocking his time in retirement featuring cameos by Brian Williams, Steve Ballmer, Matthew McConaughey, Jay-Z, Bono, Steven Spielberg, George Clooney, Jon Stewart, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Barack Obama, and Al Gore... From the 2008 Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, during his last keynote address.

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April Fool's Day Office Gags and Jokes

As we approach April Fool's Day, check out some of the practical jokes and office gags at Clean Business Jokes

Business Humor ~ The Suggestion Box

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3x5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out.

Joe wrote, "The office workers should all be given raises!"

When he looked at Frank's card, it said "Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks, and an extra three weeks vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patrick's Day, and Columbus Day and Martin Luther King's Birthday?"

Joe said, "Frank, that isn't the right way of getting things changed around here. . . . You shouldn't put all of your begs in one ask-it."

"More" Famous Marketing Blunders

Here is a follow up to the post, “Famous Marketing Blunders”.

The Swedish furniture giant IKEA somehow agreed upon the name "FARTFULL" for one of its new desks. Enough said..

In the late 1970s, Wang, the American computer company could not understand why its British branches were refusing to use its latest motto "Wang Cares". Of course, to British ears this sounds too close to "Wankers" which would not really give a very positive image to any company.

In 1988, the General Electric Company (GEC) and Plessey combined to create a new telecommunications giant. A brand name was desired that evoked technology and innovation. The winning proposal was GPT for GEC-Plessey Telecommunications. A not very innovative name and not suggestive of technology and a total disaster for European branding. GPT is pronounced in French as “J’ai pété” or “I've farted”.

In 2007 the Cartoon Network fails to notify authorities that it will be placing odd electronic devices on bridges. In Boston, hilarity ensues. Nine other cities in the US scratch their heads. Parent company Turner Broadcasting coughs up $2 million for Boston’s freak out. However, they probably received 10 million in exposure, so maybe it wasn’t a blunder after all!

For more marketing blunders click here.

-Jim

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